Parenting Tips

Guidelines for Creating a Happy Family:

1. Set limits without being angry or cruel. – Limits should be in the best interests of the children and should be clearly explained from the beginning.

2. Reduce angry interactions at home. – While everyone gets upset sometimes, your home should primarily be viewed as a place for love and support.

3. Demonstrate the importance of dedication. – Whether you work hard at your job or contribute time to church or community, your devotion to something will serve as a useful example for your children. They will learn to incorporate this type of behavior in their own lives by working hard at school and knowing the value of community service.

4. Enrich your life through others. – Make friends feel welcome in your home, and expose your children to people you like, thus demonstrating the strength you receive from others.

5. Encourage open communication. – Family members should always be allowed to talk about what’s bothering them and to share happy news,

6. Praise your children whenever you have an opportunity. – Noticing your child doing something good and acknowledging it is one of the most loving things you can do.

7. Spend time together. – Establish a family mealtime or playtime when you can all be together to share on many levels.

8. Encourage thoughtfulness. – Demonstrate the importance of helping others. Children raised in this environment become thoughtful and caring adults.

9. Respect your children. – Children who are respected will learn to respect you and others in return.

Mistakes that Create Family Unhappiness:

1. Showing no respect for each other or your children.

2. Allowing ridicule to be an accepted part of your family’s life.

3. Using threats and punishment to control each other and your children.

4. Demanding control; using anger and rage to get your way.

5. Complaining frequently.

6. Forcing or manipulating children to take sides in parental arguments.

7. Emphasizing the importance of making money over spending time together as a family.

8. Discouraging open communication.

9. Failing to praise your children when they do well.

10. Seeking revenge when things go wrong.

Fulfilling the Basic Needs of Children:

1. Children need to be respected. – Show your respect by listening to your child when she is telling a story, talking about her day, or expressing an opinion, even if it differs from yours.

2. Children need to be liked and loved. – Every kid has likable qualities. Find those characteristics and focus on them.

3. Children need to feel approved of an accepted by others. – Approval and acceptance are the foundation of self-esteem and self-concept. When your child misbehaves, you must separate the behavior from the child.

4. Children are naturally self-centered. – The infant is totally absorbed in his own needs; the kindergarten’s do not yet have the maturity to understand the feelings of others; and anyone who has ever seen a teenager react to a new pimple realizes that even at this age an enormous amount of energy is going into worrying about oneself.

5. Children need time to play and to fantasize. – Some adults regard play as a waste of time, but play is actually constructive for a young one. Kids learn through experimentation and in play they learn to cooperate and to play by the rules.

6. Children need to feel special. – They feel more secure and loved when they feel that they bring a unique quality to the family.

7. Sibling rivalry is perfectly normal. – To modify it, you need to be sure each child has private time with you and is made to understand her special role in the family.

8. Children have real fears, worries, and anxieties. – The first fear many kids have is separation anxiety, and this fear may gradually transform itself into fear of the dark, animals, monsters, and other things. Listen to your child and take her fears and worries seriously.

9. Children tend to blame themselves unnecessarily. – Since children are egocentric and assume that they are the center of the world, they may think that when something bad happens it’s their fault. Remember to reassure your youngster, even when something really was his responsibility.

Unconditional parents strive to meet the needs of their children rather than trying to control their children through punishments and rewards. Children whose needs are met are more likely to feel confident in their parent’s love, be agreeable and grow into grounded, capable adults.
Punishment Drives a Wedge in the Parent/Child Relationship

Parents who practice unconditional parenting believe that punishment of any kind leads to a child feeling alienated and unloved. Even time outs, once heralded as the perfect non-violent form of punishment, can lead to a child feeling ostracized and abandoned by her family.

Instead of time-outs, unconditional parents can practice something called a time-in. When a child is having a tantrum or difficulty behaving, it is often a sign that more attention is needed from the parent. Spending time reconnecting with the child through cuddling, hugs, reading or rocking in a rocking chair will often soothe a distraught child and teach compassion and kindness.

By: Jonathan Potkins