The thought of parenting a teenager today is enough to make some people think that maybe they don’t want children at all. Parenting teens is often filled with turmoil and stress. While very few parents will truthfully say that there was no strife while raising their teenager there are ‘tricks’ to making this time of life a wonderful adventure.
The first thing a parent needs to recognize is that the focus for teen parenting is different than raising a child. The child needs to learn the basics, so to speak, the ‘how to’ of life: reading, social skills and such. They need to learn how to become independent while conforming to a group. Teens are learning their values in life, who they want to be as a person. The only way for them to do this is to question what they know and compare it to all they see and hear in school and the community as they venture out more and more on their own.
Parenting, then, becomes a fine line to walk between letting the teen make decisions that can affect the rest of his life and establishing and maintaining guidelines as they make those choices. This is no easy feat. The parents need to evaluate the guidelines to determine whether they are in place for the teen’s sake or for their own needs. Parenting the child means having total control over all of the child’s aspects of life. Parenting the teenager means letting go of that control. This in itself is scary for many parents.
The key to parenting the teenager is recognizing that while there will be conflict; it does not have to be destructive. There are many things the parent can do that will allow the teen the freedom she needs while still preserving the boundaries and values that will keep her protected.
First and foremost is a combination of unconditional love and communication. The teen needs to always believe that he can come to you no matter what. This only comes by the constant reinforcement that the parents provide as they deal with situations that arise during the pre-teen years. If the teen knows that while there will be consequences for his choices he will not have to worry about so disappointing his parents that he will lose their love or respect. There are many parenting courses, books, videos and magazines that will help the parent establish and keep open the lines of communication with their teen.
The parents of teens need also remember that despite what their teen may say, they one of the greatest influences in their teens life. It is therefore absolutely necessary that the parents spend as much time as possible with their teen. It is easy today, with so many parents and teens’ schedules being filled with jobs and social activities for families to spend little time together. So many teens today have their licenses that the time spent together driving to and from these activities is lost. So be certain to spend quality time with the teenager listening to what she has to say. Don’t react with shock or disapproval at the things they say. Instead ask them how they feel and why. Parents need to help the teenager evaluate what the consequences in the future might be from the choices they make. Parents also need to share their own values and why they feel the way they do during these conversations.
So parent of a teenager do not despair. Rather that dreading this time in your child’s life, remember that your job as her parent is to prepare her for life on her own. There is no greater reward than that.
By: Robin Welch
Archive for the ‘Articles’ category
Parenting Teenagers Today
April 29th, 2010Parenting Strategies For Step Parents
April 26th, 2010
Being a stepparent can be somewhat difficult, especially because your new spouse’s child may not be happy with the reason that their parents are not together. Inviting a new person into your home as a replacement for a parent that may have passed away can be tragic, so it is important for a step parent to make the transition as easy as possible for the child. Some children are OK with their stepparents, most tend to rebel, at least at first, since this new person is changing the way their life used to be.
Meeting stepchildren for the first time can be pretty stressful, since making a good first impression can determine your life with these children. Instead of trying to put on an act so the children will like you, just be yourself. If you are a good person, you should have no problem getting along with your spouse’s children.
If the children seem standoffish at first, just let them get to use to you being in their presence. Although some kids like to think that things will end up like they use to be, you need to make sure they feel welcome and comfortable around you. If you are also meeting additional family at the same time, just relax. There is no need to try to impress anyone or kiss up, since obviously your other half loves you and that is all that matters.
Raising stepchildren can also be a challenge, especially since most children rebel against their own parents, so stepparents have it even worse. They will tell you all the time that they do not have to listen to you because you are not their real parent, but this can be avoided pretty easily. By using simple parenting strategies, you can make sure that this transition will be easy on everyone involved.
Make sure that the entire family has a talk setting down some ground rules. The biological parent should let the child know that they are responsible for obeying the stepparent, since they are older and deserve the respect. It may be hard on the child at first, but they should eventually get used to the change in their lifestyle.
You also may want to ease into discipline at first, but once you have been the stepparent for a while, they should have the respect to listen to your instructions. You can start with small things like asking the child to do a chore, and then work your way up to harsher punishments such as groundings or sending them to their room.
There are many support groups available that can provide stepparents with parent strategies for stepparents. The support groups offer parenting classes as well as open discussions, making it easier for stepparents to ease into the change. Although being a stepparent can be hard, there are tools to make it much easier.
By following parent strategies for step parents and talking with other new and experienced step parents, one can learn effective ways to make sure that their stepchildren will accept them as if they were their real parent.
By: Matt Garrett
