If your child attends school in a mainstream classroom setting, a certain time-honored tradition may be coming up soon for you: Parents Night, or Back-to-School Night as it’s called in some schools. 

For many parents of children with special needs, Parents Night can be a little intimidating.  In fact, when I brought up the topic with the special needs parent community on Twitter a couple of weeks ago, many folks shared that they secretly dreaded Parents Night – and some planned to skip it altogether.  Today I’ll share my tips for not just surviving Parents Night, but also making use of the evening for some very specific purposes. 

These tips are actually a formula you can follow that will have you sailing through Parents Night with ease, from the moment you step into the school building until the time you get home.  I’ve also included recommendations for following up the next day if needed. 

1. Do NOT skip Parents Night! 

I know it may not be easy, but this ONE evening – just an hour or two of your time — is filled with unique opportunities you won’t want to miss out on.  Putting in an appearance at Parents Night is a building block in your good working relationship with the teacher(s).  It’s a chance for you to get acquainted with his/her style and teaching methods, as well as the classroom, curriculum, and materials.  And there are many more opportunities.  Get child care coverage, get a ride — do whatever it takes to get there! 

2. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. 

Don’t feel obligated to educate the teacher or the other parents during Parents Night.  It puts too much pressure on you.  There will be other, better opportunities for teachable moments.  So give yourself permission to relax and take a back seat on this night.    

3. Introduce yourself personally.

When you get to the classroom, briefly introduce yourself, with eye contact, a confident smile, and a handshake.  (This is most welcomed by teachers, who often feel nervous on Parents Night too!)  If you already know the teacher, be sure to say a quick hello, still with a smile and handshake, and a “nice to see you again.”

4. Scope out the classroom for anything that might be a distraction, obstruction, or safety issue.

For instance, one year I discovered that my son, who has a hearing impairment, was seated next to a heating unit that was making so much racket even I couldn’t hear the teacher or the other parents around me, and my hearing’s pretty good!

5. Enjoy.

Allow yourself the luxury of really taking the time to look at your child’s work.  Notice brush strokes in his or her artwork, word choices in his or her writing … all of the little things that are the product of your child’s thoughts, imagination, and creativity. 

6. Leave a note, or draw a picture, for your child.

Write a little note to your child, and leave it in or on his or her desk, cubby, or locker.  Tell your child how proud you are, with a generous sprinkling of smiley faces and hearts!  If your child is not yet reading, draw some cute or funny  pictures.  He or she will be have a surprise and a smile upon arriving at school the next day!

7. Resist the urge to have a detailed conversation w/ the teacher.

If you have a lot of questions or concerns, or even if you just love to talk, this is not a good time to have a big long chat with the teacher.  Save that for a phone call or meeting with the teacher another time.  (But do see #12 for a great way to have a great QUICK “exit conversation” with the teacher.)

8. Be patient with the other parents.

This is one of the hardest parts for parents of children with special needs:   how to deal with the other parents in the room who may not understand your child or what you go through on a daily basis.  They may not know the “right words.”  Be patient with them, and remember that 99% of the time folks really do mean well. 

For example, one year a parent I was chatting with at Parents Night said to me, “So, I hear there’s a deaf kid in the class, I wonder how that’s going.”  This parent didn’t realize the “deaf kid” was my son!  Now, I normally wouldn’t call my son a “deaf kid,” but I passed over that part, and focused on the positive: that this parent really was genuinely wondering how things were going.  I happily answered, “Oh, you must mean my son, yes, he has a hearing impairment, and this year is going SO well for him so far …. ” etc.  

9. Connect with parents of your child’s classmates, particularly ones he or she has mentioned.

If there’s time, find a few parents of other children in the class your child has been talking about.  Introduce yourself and strike up a conversation.  Tell them the nice things you’ve heard about their son or daughter.  If the conversation’s going well, you might ask if they’d like to meet at the playground some afternoon, or if their child would like to come over for a playdate some time. 

10. Don’t feel like you have to explain or make excuses. 

Don’t get dragged into a detailed conversation about the services your child receives, or why he or she is receiving them.  It opens the door to too many potential issues.  If the subject comes up, keep it light, and move on to another topic.  And remember: never be apologetic about your child’s disabilities.  You can be proud of your child, no matter what. 

11. Take notes.

Make mental notes, or jot down actual notes, on any questions or concerns you’d like to bring up with the teacher in a phone call or meeting later in the week.  Also, jot down some positives to talk about as well:  anything you feel is working well for your child in terms of teaching practices, classroom activities, etc.   

12. Before you leave, connect with the teacher one more time. 

Here’s a good 1-2-3 way to do this:

1. Offer one positive comment, such as “My son is really enjoying the Pilgrim Project!”  Or “I love what you’ve done with the Writing Corner.”   

2. Offer one small question, that’s purely for information and is simple and quick for the teacher to answer.

3. Say a big thank you, give another handshake, and say “good night!”

13. Go out for a cup of coffee afterwards to collect your thoughts.

If Parents Night stresses you out, give yourself the gift of a little “buffer time” before you go home.  If you’re planning on a follow up phone call or meeting with the teacher, this is a good time to complete your notes from #11. 

14. Take the rest of the night off when you get home.

Leave the cleanup and the “getting things done” for tomorrow.  Take a break, turn in early, and get a good night’s sleep.

15. Follow up with an email the next day,

for any teacher you’d like to speak with individually.  Keep it positive and brief, perhaps something along the lines of:

“Dear (teacher’s name), I enjoyed meeting you last night at Parents’ Night.  I had a few more questions — when would be a good time for me to call you or stop by the classroom?  I’m looking forward to talking with you!”

I hope this formula for success will help you leave those Parents Night jitters behind, and go forth with the confidence of knowing that you, too, will enjoy Parents Night – and make good use of the time – at your child’s school this year.   




By: Joan Celebi